
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2775716.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage, Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Teen_Wolf_(TV)
  Relationship:
      Stiles_Stilinski/Jackson_Whittemore, Braeden/Derek_Hale, Derek_Hale/
      Stiles_Stilinski, Jackson_Whittemore/Lydia_Matin(past), Aiden/Lydia
      Martin, Scott_McCall/Allison_Argent(past), Scott_McCall/Kira_Yukimura,
      Allison_Argent/Isaac_Lahey, Vernon_Boyd/Erica_Reyes, Melissa_McCall/
      Sheriff_Stilinski, Ethan/Danny_Mahealani, Liam_Dunbar/Hayden_Romero,
      Mason_Hewitt/Brett_Talbot
  Character:
      Sheriff_Stilinski, Stiles_Stilinski, Derek_Hale, Braeden_(Teen_Wolf),
      Jackson_Whittemore, Lydia_Martin, Scott_McCall, Kira_Yukimura, Allison
      Argent, Isaac_Lahey, Erica_Reyes, Vernon_Boyd, Aiden_(Teen_Wolf), Ethan_
      (Teen_Wolf), Danny_Mahealani, Malia_Tate, Liam_Dunbar, Hayden_Romero,
      Theo_Raeken, Mason_Hewitt, Brett_Talbot
  Additional Tags:
      Female_Stiles_Stilinski, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Drama, Alternate_Universe
      -_Always_a_Different_Sex, Alternate_Universe_-_Canon_Divergence,
      Alternate_Universe_-_Military, Post-Nogitsune, Post-Season/Series_04
      Finale, OOC_Jackson, Stiles-centric, but_with_POV's_from_others, Sterek-
      centric, Explicit_Sexual_Content, handjob, Some_of_season_5, But_no_Dread
      Doctors, Season/Series_05_Spoilers, some_-_Freeform, First_Time, Always
      Female_Stiles_Stilinski, always_-_girl_Stiles, girl_stiles, Girl!Stiles
      Stlinski, Girl!_Stiles, fem!Stiles_Stilinski, Fem!Stiles_-_Freeform
  Series:
      Part 1 of Part_of_Me
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-01-15 Updated: 2016-09-12 Chapters: 4/? Words: 7588
****** The lonely broken part of me ******
by Artfuleye66
Summary
     I've never been on a real date or relationship. Don't get me wrong
     it's kinda my fault ,I've been busy with everything going on since
     Scott got bit. He's like my brother I couldn't let him go it alone,
     he would have never made it. We've had to deal with Peter the Rogue
     Alpha and helping Derek take him down, Jackson being the Kanima
     ,Gerard's crazy old ass ,The Alpha Pack nearly killing Erica and
     Boyd, Jennifer (The Darach) Blake and having to sacrificing our
     selves to save our parents and Derek sacrificing his alpha power to
     save Cora. Then Derek left to take Cora to safety and I get possessed
     by nogitsune , god I still am not over that. Derek disappears and we
     trace him to Mexico and go get him, only to have to deal wit Kate and
     the Berserkers teaming up with crazy ass Peter. Everything is settled
     down on the supernatural front. Now that I finally time to breathe
     and look around, everyone I know has hooked up along the way. I have
     come to realize that I am alone. But I'm not the only one.
      
Notes
     This is my first fanfiction. No Beta , the mistakes are all my own.
     No one died because I want it that way! This is Stiles journey of
     growing up and finding what really mattered along the way. Timeline
     end of season 4 Some season 5, but no Dread Doctors. I don't have a
     personal dislike for the character of Jackson .He just was who came
     to mind watching part of me ,one of my inspirations .
     My Inspiration Katy Perry's Video Part of Me https://www.youtube.com/
     watch?v=uuwfgXD8qV8 and a Great little Fic by jonsnowssmile named
     don't leave my hyper heart alone ,that lead me to write this.
     I have no rights to Teen Wolf or any of the characters. I own
     nothing!!! You will find simalarities to other movies like G.I. Jane
     , A line in the sand, Blackhawk Down my favorite military films.
     Besides Band of Brothers and Saving Private Ryan but not
     cronalogically useful here. My daughters teacher's husband was in the
     ranger unit that was in Mogadishu (the story from Blackhawk Down).
     But I will try my best to do it justice. I know nothing about the
     military or fighting in combat. Please remember that and anything I
     use is for entertainment value and devolopment of the story. Explicit
     rating for languge right now. Might be for sexual content later. I
     don't want anyone getting to involved in any of Stiles relationships
     they are only to help Stiles learn how to be in a relationship. The
     ultimite goal is Sterek.
  This work was inspired by
      don't_leave_my_hyper_heart_alone by orphan_account
***** Realizations and Welcome Home *****
 
Stiles POV
  I'm about to start my senior year at Beacon Hills High and in six months I
will be 18 years old. I've never been on a real date or relationship. You can't
count when I took Lydia to prom , we just went as friends and everyone knows
it. Don't get me wrong it's kinda my fault ,I've been busy with everything
going on since Scott got bit. He's like my brother I couldn't let him go it
alone, he would have never made it. We've had to deal with Peter the Rogue
Alpha and helping Derek take him down, Jackson being the Kanima ,Gerard's crazy
old ass kidnapping me and beating me,The Alpha Pack nearly killing Erica and
Boyd, Jennifer (The Darach) Blake and having to sacrificing our selves to save
our parents and Derek sacrificing his alpha power to save Cora. Then Derek left
to take Cora to safety and I get possessed by nogitsune , god I am still am not
over that. Derek disappears and we trace him to Mexico and go get him, only to
have to deal wit Kate and the Berserkers teaming up with crazy ass Peter. Oh my
god does any ever stay dead around here.
Now that Peter Hale is locked up in Eichen House, everything is settled down on
the supernatural front. Now that I finally have time to breathe and look
around, everyone I know has hooked up at least once along the way. Let's start
with Lydia and Jackson, Scott and Allison neither couple no longer together.
Scott is now with Kira , Allison is now with Isaac, Lydia is now with Aiden.
Erica and Boyd are still going Strong. Danny has hook up with Aiden's Twin
Ethan. God Danny broke my heart in six grade when he came out, I was so in love
with him. Even Derek has someone good this time around. Braeden is good for
Derek and I know she really cares for him. I really do like her but it's hard I
still have a crush on him and is it really a surprise look at my crush on
Danny. My crush ended when Danny come out gay . But I'm glad we have become
good friends..
Scott and Derek have decided we need to learn how to work as a team and learn
how to get along after a few petty fight in the beginning . So every Saturday
morning at 7:00 am we met at the preserve for a workout and training. I am
getting pretty good at running. Derek like to tease me about finally being able
to run without tripping over my own feet. I don't mind ,I still make dog jokes
and tease him about his cute bunny teeth every chance I get..
So after working out we all met back at Derek's or my place for Movie night.
Dad don't mind, he is just glad he knows all the secrets I was hiding and That
I have Friends who will fight For me. So we are at the Loft watching the first
Ironman , Thor, Captain America .Because Derek has to catch up before we can
let him watch the Avengers. I get up to pop more popcorn. I'm standing in the
kitchen area and I am looking at everyone and I have never felt so alone in my
entire life. I am still struggling with the things I did as the nogitsune .I
feel so lost most of the time. Derek is a big help and is trying to understand.
But I cause so much chaos and pain, I still see the blood on my hands. I feel
like it's harder to breath every day. The nightmare still happen I'm just
better at hiding it. I don't feel like I fit in my skin. I have come to realize
that I am alone.
Some days are harder then others. I really do love my friends , it's just hard
knowing I may never have what they have. Who the hell would want to spend time
with someone so damaged. The nightmares are getting better, I rarely have them
and they are not intense as they were. But the guilt is rough to deal with. I
just want someone to cuddle on the couch with, to hold my hand as we walk
together. Someone to have stupid arguments with some we can have great make-up
sex. Is that to much to ask for.
Stiles you all right? Derek's voice brought me out of my thoughts. Umm Yeah ,
Just thinking. About what , anything important? he asks gently rubbing my arm.
I shake my head no and he gets a water then heads back to the couch and
Breaden. Damn Stilinski , what the hell is taking so long with that popcorn?
Aiden calls out. I pour the popcorn into the bowl and throw a piece at Aiden's
head as I walk by. He tries to reach for the bowl. I cradle it in my arms ,
stick my tongue out and say you can't have any since you want to bitch. Just
then the door slides open and Danny and Ethan come in. They had dissappeared
after training, I assumed it was to get a quick, but Jackson walks into the
room.
Everyone is happy to see him Lydia and Aiden don't seem suprised, They must
have known he was coming. He talks to everyone and tells us about living in
London. Says he is happy to be home. Jackson doesn't talk to me, he just kind
of stares at me when he thinks I'm not looking. He stits down next to Danny. We
finish up the movie. I say I'm not feeling well and am going home. Jacksons
staring is making me uncomfortable.
 
Jackson's POV
Jackson was suffercating in London. He couldn't breathe. Every breathe felt
like poison to him. He just couldn't do it anymore. There was no one there for
him. It was always cold and rainy. He couldn't shake the discomfort settling in
his bones. Told his parents he was coming home. They weren't happy about it but
he is 18 now. They couldn't stop him. He would do his final year at Beacon
Hills High with his friends, his pack. He wonders if it’s worth it, if anyone
even really cares that he’s coming home. It’s been a year and they’ve all moved
on. Fuck, Stilinski tried to destroy the world once, and Scott’s dating some
kind of werefox. Jackson doesn’t even know half of this new pack, and they’re
all about to start their final year of high school. Why would they care? What
do they have in common anymore? Lydia and he had talked for hours last night.
He understood were she stood and was happy she said they could be friends. At
least he know he would still have Danny and Lydia as friends. London had
changed him. His plane landed him back in Beacon Hills and for the first time
in a year he could breathe.
Jackson spots Danny talking with some muscle bound meathead looking guy. As he
clears the gate  he was hugged by Danny Like it was a reunion of lover, turning
heads of onlookers. Jackson say I know you missed me,I missed you too,Baby loud
enough for everyone around to hear. Danny bust out laughing and mumbles asshole
at Jackson. Ethan standing next to Danny rolls his eyes. Let's get your bags.
Jackson this is Ethan my boyfriend. Jackson nods a hey to him. So Ethan do I
need to threaten you or... NO,Ethan cuts him off I think I got enough of that
from Stilinski. She is one scary girl and I value my balls to much to piss her
off. Jackson smirks at him yeah she is. Girls got balls of steel and not enough
self - preservation to back down from anyone. She will fight for those she
loves.
How is she, Danny? I don't know what you've heard, but she's dealing. I heard
from Lydia she still having the nightmares. You cantell she still blames
herself. When ever Lydia flinches and she's around you can see the pain, horror
and guilt on her face. Niether one of them will talk about what happened in the
tunnel. But I know they are working on it together. Scott's a good Alpha
now but even he is at a loss on what to do to help. adds Ethan. They grab
Jackson's bags and head to Danny's car.
She will be at Derek's. You can see for yourself. It changed her. She's quit
and very still around us most of the time. Every now and then we see a
glimps of  the old Stiles, Danny says as they put the bags in the trunk. As
they go to get in Jackson leans into Danny and says I think I might like him
nodding toward Ethan. He seems to care about Stiles. Yeah he's a keeper Danny
says. So Lydia Danny as he starts to drive to Derek's. Jackson cuts him off, we
talked, got everything out. Don't worry Ethan I know she's with your brother
Aiden. So does she know you were coming back today?Ethan asks. Yeah, she does.
She wants me to talk to Stiles. She thinks I can help her. I don't know if I
should ,you know we never got along. I bullied her for years, Jackson say
sighing heavily. They parked and got out headed into Derek's building. Yeah but
you've changed. Just let her see that. Plus you were friends once upon a
time,just try to remind her of that. Danny says. But your pack and she will do
anything for pack. She had her Dad help Derek get custody of Aiden and me. We
were really rough on her when we first came here and she really didn't like us.
Ethan adds. As they reach the loft Ethan opens the door ending the conversation
about Stiles.
Everyone is stunned to see Jackson home. Erica says Welcome Home Jackie with a
big grin on her face. Issac is trying to keep from laughing at Jackson's sour
expression. Did you miss us? he asks insted. Scott stands up and says Welcome
Back to the Pack and hugs him. Let me introduce the new members of the pack.
This is Kira yukimura , Liam Dunbar, Malia Tate, and that's Braeden Tandy.
Jackson is starting to feel awkward. How was England? Allison asks. Wierd
accents, Strang food,noise,busy,different. Glad to be back. Good you need us
and we need you we're pack, Welcome home. Derek says. He is, he’s home.He
doesn’t want to be anywhere else. Yeah I always felt on edge there, Jackson
says as he looks at Stiles for the first time. Ha! so you did miss us. Erica
asks. Maybe a little, Jackson conceds. Erica has a pleased smirk and says I
know it. Allison says I missed you Jackson we all did. I missed you all too.
And Jacksons heart doesn't miss a beat when he says it. All right let's get
back to the movie, says Derek as he unpauses the movie.Everyone settles down
and watches the movie. Stiles can feel Jackson looking at her.
This is so hard he wants to talk to Stiles, but he doesn't know what to say,
so Jackson doesn't say anything. He's watching her. She is being still, like
she is trying not to be noticed but that makes her all the more noticable to
Jackson. It's unnerving to him. He is out right staring at her. The whole time
Jackson is just taking in her apperance. Sure she has lost weight but not much.
She has dark circle under her eyes. He notices her facial features. She is no
long wearing the buzz cut she's had since she was eight. Her hair is down to
her shoulders. Damn! Stilinski is Hot! When? How? The girl is down right
attractive. He knows she knows he is staring she looks over every now and then
and catches him. When Ironman ends Stiles make an excuse and leaves. Jackson
was hoping she would stay and talk to him. It is a little unsettling to him to
feel the disapointment he feels.
 
 
***** Unwelcome Vistors and An Unexpected Friend *****
Chapter Summary
     Stiles gets two unwanted vistors and goes shopping with Ethen and
     finds a friend
Jackson POV
I was thinking about the phone call I got from Lydia, this morning. You should
help her.Lydia suddenly says. What? Who? I responds a little shocked. Stiles of
course, Lydia's tone indecates he should 've known and he's an idiot all in
one. She's seen things that can't be unseen and now she's back,Stiles trying to
be who she once was. But there is still a war going on in her head. You can't
possibly believe that she's unaffected and back to normal. You've been where
she's at right now, you get her.  That's why your the best person to help her.
Scott and Derek are trying, but they don't really understand , you do.
Stiles POV
I was poking around in the kitchen looking for somthing for lunch when the
knocking started. Derek, Scott, and the rest of the pack just walk in or come
in through my window.I had a bad night and really didn't want any company. I
slowly walk toward the door. As I am reaching the knob I hear Open up
Stilinski! I know you home. I can hear your heartbeat. When I open up the door.
I'm meet with a Hi,Stiles. Jackson says with his cocky smile in place. Hi.you
remember my name? I ask placing my hand on my chest and gasping in mock
suprise. Not funny asshole. Jackson replies. I'm the asshole, last night at
Derek's loft you didn't say hi or anything for that matter just stared at me. I
spit out, I'm to tired to try and figure out why he's here and what he wants.
Yeah sorry about that. The new pack members kind of throw me, there are so
many. And what the hell is up with Erica? I like your hair by the way. What do
you want,Jackson? I ask sighing heavily. That's when the realization hits me.
Lydia I say shaking my head. Yeah she told me to talk to you but actually
coming here was all me. he seems proud of himself. WOW! Your a good boy yes you
are want a treat? I ask with fake excitment. Jackson flashes his eyes at me and
it does nothing to scare me. Your suck a fucking wanker! he says as I pick up
on the slight London accent in Jackson's voice. I smile big as I shut the door
in his face. " Fuck You " Jackson yells as he hit the door then turns and
leaves.
Jackson POV
I gets a call from Lydia just as he is leaving Stiles. I ignore it and keep
driving. I only hope she wont be to pissed. They've become somewhat friends.
She will always be my first love. They've been talking for months. She was a
hugh part of my life, always will be a hugh part of my life and it feels really
good to have a hugh part of your life not hate you. I needed time to think
about how to help Stiles. Maybe Danny could help.Yes I knew I was still going
to help Stiles. Even if she had really pissed me off. I didn't really have
anyone when I went through it. Derek had done his best but like Lydia pointed
out he doesn't understand.And now Lydia's calling again. I pull over answering
her call. I decide to let Lydia know just how much Stilinski pissed me off.
Lydia ,I say with a smirk on my face.
Lydia POV
I'm standing at stiles front door.Take a breathe. Open the door and walk in, I
find Stiles in her room. I yell at her. You pissed him off! He actually made an
effort to hel...I'm cut off by stiles roaring at me I DON"T NEED HIS HELP! I
flinch and try to remind myself it's not the nogitsune,this is my friend
Stiles.I know Stiles saw my flinch. I can see it on her face,the guilt, the
horror, and the pain. I see as Stiles anger deflats in the middle of her
bedroom where we stand Stiles let's out a shuttering breathe. I'm so sorry
Lydia.I didn't mean... I raise my hand to silence her , cutting off. I don't
want or need his help,Okay. Stiles sounds almost pleading. I pull her into a
hug. Speaking into her shoulder  I say we both know the truth. I pull away to
see unshed tears in her eyes.  He,I take a breathe he actully knows what it
feels like ...He's not the same guy he used to be, he's trying. Give him a
chance. I say and she says was going to meet Ethan to help him shop for Danny's
birthday gift.I kiss her check and say goodbye as I head out the door I call
Jackson. I don't give him time to yell at me again. I talked to Stiles you will
find her more receptive to help now. I say hanging up. Not letting him get a
word in edgewise.
Stiles POV
I head into the coffee shop with Ethan. We had all ready be to a couple of
shops and he still hadn't found anything for Danny. I needed caffine. Danny was
standing inside with his back to us, talking with Jackson.We overheared Danny
saying It's not a summer romance. I mean Ethan is... Jackson interupts Danny by
saying Standing right behind you. Danny turns around and says Hi,you sneaking
up on me?They wrap around each other and start making out. I wanted to
apologize to Jackson but he looked like he was in a  mood. I take a deep breath
and head to the counter and ask for a Vanilla Latte. They call Jackson and
Danny's order. Jackson walks over and gets their order. He looks at me and
hesitantly says Hey to me. I know he used to be a dick but in all honesty I am
worse at times.I have a heart of gold for those I love. But for those I could
give two shits about I'm the devil himself. The girl behind the counter looks
familiar ,I think she was in biology with me last year at least I hope that
why. She calls out my name. I say Hey to Jackson as I pickup my order. I take a
sip. Hey this isn't a vanilla latte like I ordered. I asked for a vanilla latte
this is a pumkin spice frappicino. It's a perfectly fine order why don't ypu
give it a try. Yeap had to be biology class. They never get my order right,
this girl pisses me off, I throw my cup away and walk out.
Jackson runs after me grabbing my arm. What about Ethan,he asks me. Apparently
I'm a shit friend. No surprise there,Jackson says smiling.I feel a little
dejected. I'm so tired they never get my order right. I growl at him. He looks
surprised by my response. Look I'm sorry about that and earlier. I wanted to
um, okay wow,...this is hard, About your offer.I  say swollowing the lump in my
throat. Who are you? Jackson Demands. I wanted to laugh but something holds me
back. You can't remember can you? He's been in your head so well that even now
you still feel like he's in control.I can feel my anger starting to boil
standing in front of the coffee shop on main three buildings away from the
sheriff's station. I am about to go off when he cuts me off. Who are you? he
asks me again.Cause you're definitely not Stiles. No, you're still letting him
keep his hold on you. I heared the conviction in his voice and I know he's
right. We are standing face to face,I can see the intensity that he holds me
there within his eyes. And my anger deflats. Are you him? Or are you that geeky
clumpsy kid I played Batman with as a kid? Who are you,Stilinski? I find myself
unable to speak. Danny and Ethan have joined us outside. Ethan tells me he's
going with Danny and Jackson I just nod.
I turn and walk to the parking lot beside the building. It's a small one the
kind with two rows of parking. I'm packed by the building Jackson's porsche is
packed across the lot. I climb in my jeep as I see Jackson,Danny, and Ethan
come around the building and head to his car. Left alone with my thoughts I'm
lost in them.( What am i doing? Why did I feel like I needed Jacksons help. I
hate that Lydia's right. They all can see it, I'm not their Stiles. But Lydia's
the only one to come right out and say it. Even going as far as to get Jackson
to agree to actually help me. I just sit there in my jeep. I can't bring myself
to move,I'm trembling mess. But I refuss to cry. I can't not here. I just
can't. I should drive home, but I just really don't trust myself to drive right
now.) A knock on my window jars me from from my thoughts. I know it was Jackson
I don't even have to look. I roll my window down. I'm deteriorating fast and I
know it. I just feel Like I can't deal with anything else right now. I brace
myself for an attack from him. Are you okay? He asks softly. I'm shocked by his
tone and words. I take a shattering breath and I feel the first tear roll down
my check. No,you were right... about everything. I say asmore tears roll down
my face. I just hope this new Jackson can see this is a white flagg and not
prey offering it's jugler vein. Also be kind enough to take the surrender and
plea for help.
Jackson POV
As I reach my car with Danny and Ethan, I notice Stilinski still hasn't started
her jeep. She's just sitting there with her head down. Shit! I exclaim maybe I
said to much I shouldn't have left her after what I said. Please tell my you
didn't lose the keys Danny asks. I shake my head no. Well are you going to
unlock the car? Ethan this time. No I tell them put the keys in Danny's hands.
Take my car when your done leave it in my driveway. I walk across the parking
lot without looking back, blocking out Danny's protests. I knock on her window
and she rolls down it down without looking at me. I ask softly Are you okay? I
didn't want to startle her. No,you were right she pauses with a shuttering
breath she finishes,about every thing.I can see a tear run down her face. I see
as she surrenders to her pain and she is trembling. Come on, get out.I tell
her. Why? she says with tears rolling down her face. Because I'm getting you
out of here. You're obviously in no condition to drive and I shouldn't have
walked away from you,leaving you alone after what I dumped on you wasn't right
sorry. I say  as I open her door and unbuckle her seat belt. Pulling her out
and helping her around to the passenger seat. I get her in and buckle her seat
belt . Go back to the drivers side climb in and start the jeep, thankfully she
all ready put the keys ignition. I back aout the spot and start to drive.
Stiles is quite for awhile, not even asking where we are going.
A very quite Why does Lydia think you can fix me? I decide to go with honesty,
thats what she needs not more placating sympathetic bullshit. Because I know
how it makes you still feels like a monster even after your techically no
longer one. I say with understanding seeping from my voice. The rest of the
ride is quite except for the occasional sigh or sniffle from the passenger
seat. When we reach my parents cabin on the lake Stiles is sleeping I shut off
the engine and get out. I go unlock the cabin and turn on a lamp in the
livingroom ,It's just starting to get dark. I go back out and Stiles is still
sleeping. She's had a rough day between me and Lydia. So I open Stiles door and
pick her up in my arms and carry her inside. She doesn't wake up,I lay her down
on the couch and cover her with a throw Emily[my adopted Mom] keeps on the back
of the couch. I go back out lock up her jeep,going in I lock up the cabin. I
leave the lamp on, I don't want Stiles to freak out waking up in a strange
place and in the dark. I sit in a armchair across from Stiles. As I watch her
sleep ,I can't help but see how cute she's become. I notice the slight up turn
of her nose and the moles that dot her face. Soon I feel the pull of sleep,it
been an emotional day for me also. I know it's going to be hard on us both when
Stiles wakes up. I was thinking and as sleep overtakes me.
***** Salvation from an unexpect person *****
Chapter Summary
     Jackson take Stiles away to his parents Lakehouse at Clear Lake.
Stiles POV
I woke in a strange house, there's a lamp on, I can see Jackson sleeping in a
comfy looking armchair across from the couch i'm on. I can see the moolight
throught the sliding glass doors behind him. I sit up and run my fingers
through my hair. I'm feeling a little more refreshed after my nap. so i get up
and walk over to the glass doors and look out. I can see the lake and it's
nothing short of Beautiful. I know we are at Clear Lake It's about an hour
outside of Beacon Hills. My Mom loved it here, We use to rent a cabin up here
every summer until she got sick. I speak so softly it's almost a whisper as
Jackson walks up beside me and starts rubbing small circle on my back gently. I
didn't even hear him until he touched me. It should've felt awkward ,but it
didn't
All of a sudden my entire body shook when a sob excaped my lips. I go and sit
on the couch to keep from collapsing to the floor and Jackson follows and sits
next to me and let's me lose it. At some point he slides in behind me and turn
his back to the arm of the couch and pulls me to his chest. He wraps his arms
around me, let's me cry. I don't know for how long, He doesn't say anything or
complain. I took a shaky breath he just holds me tighter. I needed someone and
he's here for me,It's nice. He waited for me to be ready to talk. I wipe the
tears from my face and take a steading breath, open my eyes. The things I saw
and felt when I was the nogitsune..., I just couldn't share. I want to be
myself again... I exhale deeply. I'm not sure if I can be,I admit to myself as
well as Jackson. It takes a few seconds for Jackson to talk.
Jackson's POV
I can't promise you'll fully be yourself again, you don't go throughsomething
like that without it changing you. It changes who you are and how you see
yourself. But with time I can asure you will be less haunted and it'll be a
little easier to breath. I'm sorry... about what I said this morning. Stile
takes a deep breath and asks Why does Lydia want you to try to fix me? I tense
with suprise, I wasn't expecting that. Stiles, Lydia likes you and cares about
you. she always has. But Lydia believes I can fix you, but I don't because it's
not fixable. you killed people, you're nevergoing to come back from that.
 
Stiles POV
It as the first time someone's answer was so brutally honest and simple at the
same time. And for the first time someone seemed to give her the hope she has
been searching for. Lydia, you and her... Jackson cut me off. Friends, I will
always love her. But I'm not in love with with her. with a shrug of his
shoulders he continues.
She deserves someone better. Lydia has terrible taste in friends. I was
possessed by a mass-murdering fox demon who did things to her that still make
her flinch when I get close to her even now. I don't know how she can look at
me after all I did. Jackson smirks at me, Yeah she has terrible taste. You
wouldn't be the first serial killer she liked. No, i'd be the third. I let the
conversation change,I felt like I had just put a knife under Jackson's ribs and
twisted. It almost feels like I am stabbing myself.
You shouldn't do that, he says. Do what? I had to ask when he seemed to be
finished. That blaming yourself for eveything going on. you ha it before the
nogitsune, but now it's worse. It oesn't help your dad, your friends and it
doesn't help you. Lydia says your not sleeping. I'm not sure if Jackson is
asking me or just stating the facts. I freeze then say I'm sleeping I'm...
Lying, Jackson says cutting me off. Did you? I ask but I'm not sure if Jackson
will answer. He breathes out slowly as he shifts closer to my back and his face
isalmost beside mine I can feel his breath tickle my ear and the side of my
face. Yeah I did but roughly. Nightmares, right? Jackson asks. I swallow hard.
W-What? Nightmares,I'm guessing that's why you're not sleeping. I didn't
either,not at first. Not for a few months, the nightmares. I took sleeping
pills, Drank nothing worked. when I used to fall asleep,all I saw...the
nightmares were so real them. The people it killed ... Blood ... so much blood.
I was the monster all over again. I had no control all over again. I felt
paralyzed, weakened by my fear. I couldn't wake up. You know it was easier when
I was the Kanama,because it keep all the memories away. But once it was gone
and I was a wolf, They all came flooding back. The memories that is. he was
holing me tightly to his chest like he was scared to let me go.
I didn't know what to say.But at least I didn't feel so alone now. Someone else
knew how I felt, someone understood. Finally I open my mouth and just let it
all pour out. If I sleep it's ... it's me stabbing Scott, kidnapping and
torminting Lydia, Throwing Derek across his loft,screaming at M. Argent to
shoot me in frount of my Dad. The mass murder at the hospital, I had the oni
kill everyone in our path. Hell we almost made it to Scott's Mom. Playing on
Melissa, Ms. McCall's feelings for me. Making my Dad think I was dying of the
same disease my Mom died from. I nearly killed Allison and Aiden at the high
school. I know the nogitsune was out of me,but I still felt what it felt. What
I saw wasn't even the worst the things I wanted to do, God! I wanted to kill
Mr. Argent in front of Allison and look in her eyes as she watched the last of
her family die. I wanted to beat Issac and lock him in a dark place like his
father did until it broke him. I wanted to hold Boyd's head under icy water and
tell him he deserved to drown like his sister did. I wanted to set Derek on
fire,Put him out and do it over and over until his healing stopped. I wanted to
throw Scott down his stairs and do it until he died. I wanted to feed Erica
wolfsbane until she had a seissure and pissed her pants. I wanted to make Lydia
watch her dad walk out on her and then make her believe it was all her fault. I
wanted to use the things I knew to hurt the people I care about. to hurt them
in the worst way.
I would wake up screaming and even then I'm not sure if I'm really awake,so I
end up counting my fingers to make sure it's real or not.I'm panting by the end
of my rant. Oh, God I am so fucked up! i wheezed out.I can feel it, the on
coming panic attack. It's getting harder to breath. Jackson wraps his arms
around me, I didn't even feel him let go during my rant. He takes my chin in
one hand and turns me to face him. Breath for me Stiles just feel me breath and
breath with me. he let's my chin go and pulls me tight against his chest again.
his mouth is right beside my ear talking calmly to me. his breath is warm
across my cheek. his chest pressed firmly against my back. I slowly regain
control over my breathing. I Tortured and terrized our friends. I feel sick
everyday of the thought of the lives I ened.
***** Lakehouse continued and Returning home *****
Chapter Summary
     Lakehouse part 2 and returning home
Chapter Notes
     Chapter now finished
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Jackson's POV
I tightened his arms around Stiles again. Making sure to not to let go and
ground me as I talk. Hey,hey it's not your fault,Okay? You have to understand
that or else you may end up hurting yourself or worse. It won't help you.
You're not him. You would never done that ... any of it. He made you do it,
it't wasn't you. And as far as you feeling things after he was out of you, you
was still connected to him. He was still trying to use you , to make you think
those thoughts were yours to destroy you. Because it would, hell it's still
trying.That doubt he left behind. You're one who goes out of her way to make
sure everyone is okay, to protect us all. It takes a pretty badass human to run
with wolves and live, Stilinski. Just remember that's who you are. I know what
you are going through. I know what its like to be unable to do a damn thing
while a monster took control of your body, being used to torture and kill. The
only difference is yours ore you like a human coat. We were a weapon of pain
and death. we were guns and guns don't kill the people behind them do. But we
end up the same, We both feel broken and used.
Stiles POV
It sucks. Yeah yeah it does. he says rubbing his hands down my arms. First
thing you need to do is stop saying I, Stop blaming yourself. It was that thing
using you, no different then if I stole your jeep and killed someone with it.
She looks up at me from her position on my chest and says The nogitsune, it
loved the pain, choas, and danger. I feel on edge all the time. What if that's
all I have left? she asks looking away from me. It's not and the fact that
you're worried means your not as broked as you think. I answer her taking her
chin in my hand making her look at me again. You know I actually miss your
smartass mouth. Oh! Really . She knows I'm trying to lighten the mood now.
Stiles, I need to ask you one more question. Have you been self-medicating?
No,flat out no! I'm a little pissed he asked me that. I forgot he wasn't around
when my mom died. I can't do that after watching my dad do it. He did it after
my mom died. It was rough to watch. He seems to believe me. Good, I was just
checking,he paused for a moment.
 
You're braver than I was, he says suddenly. I tried to drink when that didn't
work I added pills. I ran to avoid what happened. You didn't do either of those
things, you're braver then I was and I'm still here. so there's no way you
won't make it. I promise you will get better at coping and learn to take it on
day at a time, you'll get through this. I'm here for you,everyone who matters
is here for you the rest can go fuck themselves. He seems to be finish so I
finally decied to ask what i've been wanting to ask him since he first showed
up at my door. id you want to come back here or did Lydia make you? Fearing his
answer I sit up ,for the first I realize its sunrise. He sighs, This is my
home, friends, pack ,family. Yes I wanted to come back here and just for the
record. Lydia didn't talk to me about helping you til she knew I was coming
back. I like you, always have. You're the only one who ever called me one my
shit. I wouldn't have done what I did for just anyone, but Danny and Lydia.
you're the exception, Stiles. He admits softly . I care about you, as hard as
that is to believe. I don't like seeing you hurt. I don't want to admit it but
after seeing you yesterday and you breaking down in your jeep. I can't help but
feel like it was my fault after what I said to you. He explained. No,you just
made me realize what I didn't want to face. But you didn't hurt me. You're
Serious, he breaths out. Of, course I am.
 
My stomach growls loudly. He chuckles, Come on I'll feed you there's a diner on
the way back. i'll never hear the end of it from McCall if I let you stave to
death. Thanks for this,I say. He looks up and nods at me. We leave locking up.
He heads to the drivers side. My jeep buddy, I yelp at him. And your point is
what? I drove here and that piece of shit is still in one piece and you are in
no shape to drive. He unlocks the door for me and opens it. I get in and pout
all the way to the diner. He looks over at me every now and then and let's out
a chuckles. We get to the diner and order, we ate in silence. I'm still pouting
and he's still laughing about it. On the way out he hands me the keys. I can't
take your damn pouting anymore. I get in and turn the radio on. We don't talk
but it's nice this time . I can see him watching me out the corner of my eye.
When we reach his house. His porsche was already in his driveway. As he opens
his door he pauses , Are you okay? I shrug saying, Ask me again tomorrow. Your
not going to get in trouble are you, for being out all night. I could hear the
concern in his voice. No,Dad had the graveyard shift last night.He nods and
leans back in to give me a hug and softly kisses my hair. He gets out saying
he'll see me tomorrow. as he climbs out and walks away, I realize the last
couple of days have been hard and somehow Jackson made it bearable. Who would
have thought it would be Jackson Whitemore To make me see the truth.
I was lying in my bed hoping to set some sleep. As soon as I closed my eyes I
felt the past few days finally catching up with me. As my body starts to relax
and my mind giving into sleep I feel someone caress my check. I open my eyes
and Jackson is sitting on the edge of my bed looking at me. I figured you could
use some company to help you sleep, he whispered. Couldn't sleep? I ask. He
shakes his head yes,I lift the cover and scoot over. I was sleeping in P.J.
bottoms and a t-shirt thank god. I roll over on my side and Jackson cuddles up
behind me, making me the little spoon. Tell anyone I cuddled you and I'll deny
it,Stilinski. He buried his nose in my hair as we fell asleep. I feel like I
had just fell asleep when dad's shout wakes me, Stiles! I open my eyes with a
groan,look at my dad and snuggle back into Jackson chest and close my eyes.
Really!Stiles? You're just going to close your eyes and ignore me? Get up now
it's time for school! John points to his daughter Kitchen now! You shower get
ready for school pointing to Jackson. Jackson's mouth drops open. I know that's
ot my daughter's Marc Jacob overnight bag and backpack. Y-Yes,Sir! Jackson is
scared to move to his bag to get clean clothes. Move both of you! As John
follows Stiles downstairs he calls over his shoulder towels in the hall closet.
 
As he enters the kitchen, It's not ... John cuts off his daughter with a hand
indicating for her silent. He waits til he hears the water start. What it looks
like to me Is Jackson Whittemore in your bed! what it looks like to is the boy
you and Scott kidnapped and locked in a stolen paddy wagon was in your bed with
you! What is your excuse!? I would love to hear it and doesn't he still have a
restraining order against you? D-Dad .. I .. I take a deep breath I'm sorry. I
had a bad day ,Jackson was there to help me through it. I told him about the
nightmares's and how I can't sleep, He came over thinking maybe I'd be able to
sleep if I wasn't alone. Dad all we did is sleep. This throws John a little off
balance. He kind of knows what I'm going through, kanama remember, he agreed to
help me. Stiles, I watch as he takes a calming breath, I didn't know you were
still having nightmares and not sleeping. Why didn't you tell me? He reaches
out and takes Stiles by the back of her neck pulling her into a hug. I didn't
want to worry you. my voice is muffeled by my dads shoulder.
Sheriff John Stilinski's Pov
Okay,Kiddo. I don't like it but I trust you. If that's what you say happened
then I believe you. Go get ready for school you don't want to be late your
first day. I see Jackson out the corner f my eye, I didn't even hear the kid
walk up. So Jackson help yourself to breakfast and try to get her to eat
something. I have a shift to get to. Stiles hugs me one more time. Be careful
Daddy. I love you. she says as she heads out of the kitchen, hopefully to get
ready for school. I wait until I hear the bathoom door close upstairs. How bad
was it? Excuse me,sir? Jackson asks. Her breakdown how bad was it? Does she
need to see a doctor? Jackson clears his throat, No sir. she had a couple of
panic attacks. But we talked alot and I am pretty sure, she is starting to see
it's not her fault. Oh god she's still blaming herself? I'm startled by this
revalation. Yes sir,but I know what it feels like. Being used to do awful
things to hurt people and we talked about it and I'll contuine to be there for
her. I'm guessing it was you she was with all night. I ask with raising a
eyebrow. Yeah,she had a meltdown in her jeep in the parking lot of Familier
Ground's. Anyway I took her somewhere to talk. she need it and I swear Sherriff
nothing happened. I wouldn't take advantage of Stiles or anyone.
 
It's okay kid, I believe you. Thanks for being there for her and don't make me
regret trusting you.Alright well I'm off to work. I say as Stiles comes back in
the kitchen drying her hair with a towel. Bye dad,love you. I smile at her a
little relived to see her a little more herself this morning. As I head to the
front door I hear Stiles asking Jackson if I threatened his life, and Jackson
saying no. I hear her snorting laughter and it makes the weight on my chest a
little lighter. Well he did Malia, Stiles replys. As I open the door I hear
Jackson saying Wait one minute you sleep with Malia? Stiles starts laughing and
I hear a glass break. Not like that get your mind out the gutter idoit, Stiles
replys as I shut the door. Maybe just maybe Jackson's what Stiles needs. I get
in the crusier and starts the engine. He decides not to stand in their way, but
he will keep a close eye on them.
Chapter End Notes
     Please be patient! Real life has caught my in two health crisses.
     Mine and My Daughters. I was recovering from CHF when my Daughter was
     rushed into the hospital. We have been there for three weeks and
     don't know when she will be released. But I have not abandend this
     story ,I will Finish it!
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